Ghosting, Soft Launches, and Benchwarmers: How Modern Dating Became a PR Strategy
Swipe, match, chat, repeat. Modern dating has become a carousel of curated interactions, often feeling less like the search for connection and more like a brand campaign. From soft launches to benchwarmers, the language we use to describe dating dynamics mirrors PR tactics—and it's shaping how we approach relationships.
As someone with a background in PR navigating the dating world as a single girl, I can't help but notice how the strategies I once used for openings, product launches, and brand management now show up in my personal life. Dating, it seems, has turned into its own kind of campaign—one where we're both the brand and the publicist.
Soft Launching: The Teaser Campaign
Soft launching—posting a photo of someone’s hand at brunch or a shadowy silhouette on your Instagram story—is the dating equivalent of a product teaser. It signals, Something new is coming, without the full reveal. Like a brand hyping an upcoming drop, soft launching gives you attention while maintaining plausible deniability. If it doesn’t work out, you can quietly pull the plug without an official breakup post.
But what does this mean for connection? It turns intimacy into content—something to be managed and controlled rather than naturally experienced. Instead of sharing moments for their own sake, we’re curating narratives, always conscious of the audience.
Benchwarmers: The PR Backlog
In PR, brands keep backup pitches and campaigns ready—just in case. In dating, we call them benchwarmers: people you keep around with the occasional "Hey, stranger" text, never fully committing but never letting go. It’s less about connection and more about maintaining a pipeline—like a brand ensuring they always have fresh content.
I've caught myself doing this, too—not out of malice, but as a way to avoid the vulnerability that comes with truly putting myself out there. PR taught me to have backup plans, but in dating, those plans often come at the expense of real connection.
Ghosting: The Crisis Comms Strategy
Ghosting—the ultimate PR crisis move—is essentially "no comment." When things get complicated, some choose silence rather than confrontation. It’s damage control at its most extreme: if you vanish, you avoid the hard conversation, sparing yourself discomfort while leaving the other person without closure.
But relationships aren’t brand deals. Silence doesn’t protect your reputation—it erodes trust and connection. Communication, even when awkward, builds the resilience real relationships need.
Reclaiming Real Connection
While the PR approach to dating offers control and protection, it also breeds loneliness. Real connection thrives on authenticity—unfiltered, unpolished, and yes, sometimes messy. Love isn’t a brand to market; it’s an experience to share.
So, what if we ditched the strategy? What if we posted the full photo—not just the hand—or sent the vulnerable text instead of benching someone for later? As I’ve learned both in PR and dating, even the best strategy can’t compete with real, unfiltered connection.
