People Don’t Hate You—Your Brain Is Just Being Dramatic
I know this because I, too, have major anxiety and am an A+ people pleaser. If someone doesn’t text me back within five minutes, I’m already thinking I said something wrong. If I make a joke and someone doesn’t find me funny, I assume they’re secretly plotting my downfall. It’s exhausting, really.
But here’s the thing: people don’t hate you. Your brain is just being a little dramatic.
The Spotlight Effect: You’re Not a Celebrity (Sorry!)
There’s a psychological phenomenon called the spotlight effect, which means we all walk around thinking we’re the main character and everyone is hyper-focused on our every move. In reality, people are too busy thinking about themselves to be obsessing over the weird thing you said during that hangout three weeks ago. I once tripped over nothing in front of a group of strangers, and guess what? They just kept walking. No one formed a lifelong grudge against me. Wild.
People Are Just as Insecure as You Are
You know how you overanalyze every little thing you do? Other people are doing the same thing about themselves. That person you thought was giving you a weird look? They were probably just wondering if they left their curler on. That friend who took a little too long to reply? They were probably staring at their phone, overthinking their response and hoping it didn’t come off weird—just like you do.
Social Anxiety Lies (And It’s Rude)
Social anxiety is basically that one messy friend who always makes things worse. It convinces you that silence means rejection, that a neutral expression means disapproval, and that one awkward interaction will haunt you forever. But if you think about it, has anyone ever texted you out of the blue to say, "Hey, remember that slightly weird thing you did in 2018? Yeah, I still think about that all the time." No. No, they have not.
You Will Annoy and Disappoint People (And That’s Normal)
Here’s the truth: at some point, you will annoy people. You will disappoint them. Not because you’re a terrible person, but because that’s just how relationships work. Even the people who love you the most will get irritated with you sometimes—and you’ll get irritated with them, too. But that doesn’t mean they hate you. It just means they’re human.
Your best friend might get frustrated when you cancel plans last minute. Your coworker might find it annoying when you take a little too long to respond to an email. Someone might roll their eyes at one of your quirks. But these things don’t erase the fact that they care about you. They don’t define your relationships. People can get annoyed and still love you. They can be disappointed and still think you’re amazing.
How to Deal When Your Brain Is Doing the Most
Ask yourself: Would I care if someone else did this? If the answer is no, let it go.
Distract yourself. Do literally anything other than replaying that conversation for the 37th time.
Embrace the chaos. You’re going to say weird things sometimes. So is everyone else. It’s fine.
Accept that not everyone will love you—and that’s okay. Even puppies have haters, and they’re perfect.
Final Thoughts
People don’t hate you. I promise. They’re just busy worrying about their own weird quirks and anxieties. And yeah, sometimes you’ll annoy them. Sometimes you’ll disappoint them. But that doesn’t mean they’re secretly plotting your downfall. It just means they’re normal people, just like you. So the next time your brain tells you that everyone is secretly against you, tell it to take a nap. You’re doing just fine.
